November 1, 2024 – A Day of Subtle Triumphs and Quiet Reflections
The first day of November arrived, cloaked in clouds and the scent of rain lingering from an early morning shower. The temperature sat at a crisp 65 degrees, perfect for introspection. I woke up around 8 AM, my body still adjusting to the new day. Yet, I didn’t move immediately; instead, I let my mind linger in the realm of dreams. These moments of half-conscious exploration are precious to me, filled with nonsensical narratives and vivid adventures. Last night’s peculiar tale—a dream where my friend’s wife had killed my old best friend—left me puzzled but amused. Dreams have a way of blending the real and the surreal, a brief escape from the weight of reality.
By 10 AM, I finally rose from bed, and the first thing I noticed was a subtle but significant shift—getting up felt easier than yesterday. Gratitude washed over me as I took those initial steps to the bathroom, each one a quiet victory. The morning held promise, and I reveled in that sliver of hope. I decided to shower, read a little, and perhaps aim to go into work in the afternoon.
Midday Momentum
Around 12:00 PM, I found myself in the kitchen. The next hour was consumed by small, mundane tasks: putting away dishes, cleaning up, and prepping the 8-quart Instapot for an evening stew with deer meat and vegetables. It was a simple routine, but it left me feeling accomplished. I rewarded myself with a quick snack—yogurt and a banana—before taking my antibiotic. I couldn’t help but notice the day’s beauty; even under a blanket of clouds, the wind and cool air felt like gentle reminders of life’s simple pleasures.
By 1 PM, I found a spot in the backyard with my book and a warm cappuccino in hand. Lately, No Bad Parts has been a source of deep reflection, resonating with my current path of healing and self-exploration. As I read, one passage struck me with particular force:
One reinforcing feedback loop that is common in all kinds of systems is called success for the successful. As applied to our country’s division of wealth, we find that those with more privilege, accumulated capital, inside information, and special access and influence are able to create more privilege, capital, access, and information. On the other hand, those without those advantages become exiled, and as such, they and their children get worse educations, have trouble getting loans with reasonable interest rates, are subject to red-lining practices, and are discriminated against because of race or class. Furthermore, their voices are rarely heard by politicians, who are typically more concerned with the influential members of society, i.e., the wealthy. Unfortunately, as Meadows warns, “A system with an unchecked reinforcing feedback loop ultimately will destroy itself.
Although this passage points to larger societal structures, it also resonated with my personal journey. The metaphor of an ‘unchecked reinforcing feedback loop’ made me think of the cycles in my own life where pain, self-doubt, and isolation reinforced each other. Just as societal systems risk self-destruction without intervention, our internal systems can spiral without conscious awareness and change.
This reminder pushed me to acknowledge that the parts of myself I often try to suppress—the pain, the uncertainty—need attention, not avoidance. What if the illness, sickness, or challenges that come our way are here to teach us something? The journey of healing isn’t just about physical recovery; it’s about breaking those cycles, finding meaning in the struggle, and discovering balance amidst the challenges.
Reconnecting with Work
Later in the afternoon, I took a seat at my home computer desk and worked for about an hour. After, the transition from sitting to standing reminded me that while I felt better than the day before, caution was necessary. Grabbing both crutches, I moved carefully, a reminder of my limitations. Just a week prior, I could navigate without them and spin around in my chair effortlessly. Now, every motion required mindfulness.
At 4 PM, I reached the office for a brief hour of work. Using both crutches underscored how my physical state had shifted. Yet, there was an underlying sense of achievement, even in taking it slow and steady. Each moment spent being productive felt like reclaiming a small part of my independence.
Evening Stillness and Searching for Peace
The evening came with its own set of challenges. After preparing cornbread to pair with my stew, my kitchen filled with the unexpected intrusion of wood smoke. It seemed to permeate every corner, pushing me to take a 1,000-foot crutch-assisted walk to my neighbor’s house. I explained the situation, suspecting a temperature inversion or poorly chosen wood for their fire. These encounters are strange—they leave me pondering which version of people I meet in these moments: sober, intoxicated, joyful, sad, or something else entirely. The idea resonated with the central theme of No Bad Parts: we are all made of many pieces, and each part has its reasons for showing up.
After the visit, my mind and body craved distraction, perhaps an escape. I thought about building my own fire outside but quickly realized my crutches rendered that impossible. Instead, I sat outside for 20 minutes, feeling the chill of the evening air. The desire to unwind led me to a microdose of marijuana, which turned into two contemplative hours in my hammock. It was both grounding and unsettling. Like meditation, it brought clarity and the challenge of not becoming lost in thought. I found myself oscillating between awareness and distraction.
By the end of the day, I embraced the quiet, understanding that these moments—where pain intersects with reflection—are part of the journey. The victories may be small, like walking to the bathroom or sitting at my desk, but they are victories nonetheless. And on days like today, authenticity lies in accepting both the ease and the struggle, finding gratitude in the in-between.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. If you made it to the end, I would love to hear from you! 
Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu – May All Beings Be Happy and Free 